Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

Nuclear Pasta

HUMANS! Are you hungry for the good stuff? Is your tummy grumblin' for some saucy knowledge? Are you starving for some intelligence these days when everyone seems to be serving up a hot plate of Stupid? Well come on down to the Chad Cast and eat up cuz this week is all about things rich in vitamin SCIEEEENNNNCCCCCE!!!! We got New Planets! We got New Stem Cells! We got the Hardest Substance in the Known Universe! So grab a seat anywhere, pop that napkin and get ready cuz it's comin out fresh and tasty! ORDER UP!

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, who are always invited to dinner.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Green Mill Lounge and the world famous BENDER Studios!

Please rate and review and cite your sources.

Chad's True Crime Podcast

Murder.... it's the ultimate crime. The big M. The grande enchilada of badness… And you're so into it! So in an effort to achieve ultimate popularity, Chad brings you a True Crime Podcast episode about a strange case of blogs, books and aggressively pre-meditated, all-American, farm-to-table, 100% organic-as-advertised: Murder. Toke up.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas ... who know what they did...

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago and from BENDER Studios, located somewhere off the grid.

Please Rate and Review... and stay pretty.

Shoe-T Out

Colin Kaepernick took a knee in protest of a bunch of stuff that sucks right now about America but the good folks of Sports Town didn't like it... tune in to find out what happens in this rippin' yarn from a lawless country called: The Internet.

Also Clark's out of town so Chad's alone in the booth... sorry if it's weird.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago

Please rate... and review... namaste.

Burgers and Satan

On August 16th, 2018 a giant-ass bronze statue of a goatman was unveiled on the steps of the Arkansas State Capitol so it's the perfect time to grill up some meats and get METAL. Chad and Clark get into burgers, Googling, the Devil and YOU! Plus Chad got the whole room to yell HAIL, SATAN, which was pretty epic.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago every Saturday at 3pm

Please rate and review and hail, Satan. 


On a palindrome of a day (check it: 8-18-18) Chad blows the lid off K2 aka SPICE: A synthetic cannabinoid that's heavy on HEMPty promises and is also killing people making it the best argument for legalizing farm-to-table living, if you catch the whiff. Chad Challenge of the week: Describe all that is Chad using the four legendary letters in his name: C. H. A. D. Winner gets a T-Shirt with the winning acronym and probably a high-five. 

Big shout-out to PROVISIONS UPTOWN: for getting the snacks. 

Special thanks to the Barrerracudas for all they do.

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Lounge

Please rate and review and you'll know you're doing your part. 

A-Comedy Awards

CALLING ALL CINEPHILES AND TAPEHEADS: We're goin in. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced a new category for the Oscars and Chad has an announcement that may or may not be related in anyway!


Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, Best Song winner every year in the Chad the Podcast awards... which is just the podcast. 

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge

Please rate and review and nominate and then vote. 

Movie? Pass.

Chad and Clark get down on MoviePass and why it's important to have patience. Patience and Passes. Pass Patience. Anyway we get into it about the good business of MoviePass and whether or not it is, in fact, good. Then we get into space travel and it all goes off the rails. Kinda like MoviePass. 

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas and YOU know why!

Recorded LIVE at the historic Green Mill Cocktail Lounge 

Please rate and review, you know you wanna. 

Our Sharkest Hour

Closing out the Trilogy of Terror (Spiders, Mummies...) Chad and Clark dive into the bloody waters of SHARK WEEK ...and it's not that bad. Calm down. Watch JAWS and then listen to this. Seriously, it's fine. Sharks are great.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, our brothers under the sea.

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago.


Mummy Deadest

The largest sarcophagus ever unearthed in Alexandria has been... unearthed. And what with the current state of the state of things currently... Is now REALLY the best time to open it? Chad and Clark go deep.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago

Please rate, review and don't drink any bone juice.

Special shout-out to WildClaw Theatre's DEATHSCRIBE:

You have until JULY 31st to give them your nightmares.

Why-der Spider

Get yer hot pants on, baby, cuz Chad's goin dancin at club SCIENCE!!! The news is: Researchers in Bristol have proven that spiders use a very unique method when they fly so press play and find out what's up!

PS: Holy shit, spiders can fly...

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, which is scientifically proven to be awesome.

And a lil taste of "Spider" by They Might Be Giants... Please come on the show.

As well as a little of The Who's "Boris the Spider" ... Also …please come on the show.

BIG SHOUT OUT PLUG: WildClaw Theatre is still accepting submissions for this year's DEATHSCRIBE. You have until July 31st to give them your nightmares.

Please rate and review and be nice to spiders.

Toys R Gone

The last Toys R Us closed on Thursday June 28th and Chad was asked to deliver the eulogy. Come on in, be respectful, talk low and take this time to reflect. Special thanks to the immaculate Bill Larkin for providing some music for the event. BYO-Tissues

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, always the song for the occasion. 

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Cocktail Lounge, Chicago. 

Please rate and review as you exit. 

Adult Quidditch

It's that time again, ya hooligans! Chad is trashed cuz he was drinking at 6am cuz the match was on so bare with him but don't judge cuz it's the World Cup and why aren't YOU... trashed... in the afternoon cuz your roommate woke you up at 6am to watch Argentina and eat sausages? It's just logic, yo. 

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge 

Featuring the Spartan battle chant known as "Promises" by the Barrerracudas as well as the official war cry of crocked Liverpool footie: "You'll Never Walk Alone" by Gerry and the Pacemakers

Please rate and review, if you got the stones. 


Chad's BACK! After a bitch of a deuce-weeks, Chad's back on the beat from vacation, dropping some fresh poetry about the recent change from IHOP to IHOB so turn off your day and turn on your mind, man and let's get real... And then we'll talk about burgers. 

Featuring the song "Promises", man, with that steady beat. 

Recorded LIVE at the Green Mill Cocktail Lounge

Please rate and review, ya dig

BONUS EPISODE: Spoilin' Solo (w/Jennifer Betancourt)

Chad and Clark were still on vacation, and the news was bad enough so they decided to ask their friend Jen to go check out that new Star Wars movie...


Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is the song of the revolution

Recorded live somewhere a long time ago in a galaxy not too far from Aurora, IL

Please rate and review!!

The Vacation Episode: Maxin' Relaxin' and Marvelin'

Chad and Clark are on holiday baby, but that doesn't stop them from Chad Casting. Chad pulls an unaired Chadpinion Piece from May 2nd 2018 about The Avengers: Infinity War and they kick back with some margaritas and talk nerd. Join them, won't you? 

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete Cocktail Hour 05/02/18 at Chicago's historic Green Mill Lounge

Featuring Chad's personal Infinity Stone: "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Please rate and review and then slam a margarita 

The Coin

Chad goes HAM on a replica of an unreleased North Korean Summit Challenge Coin commemorating the summit that didn't happen and may not actually exist. It's just SO 2018, right? Drink up!

Features "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, who do in fact exist.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge

Please rate and review, because that's how we win.

Royally Good Times

Chad was granted the unprecedented honor of receiving an invitation to the wedding of the year, as Meghan Markle became Duchess of Sussex upon her marriage to Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex so listen to the tale of jet lag, Stonehenge and why you don't wear a tux on a plane. Strap this on your head. 

Featuring the Royal song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded in the DugOut.

Please rate and review because that's how it do. 

Kentucky Derpy

With the triangulation of Cinco de Mayo, Free Comic Book Day and the Kentucky Derby occurring at 10am on May 5th 2018, Chad the Bird was caught in a "cross-fire of drunken behavior" authorities say originated somewhere in the north suburbs and had infiltrated the city through the Red and Purple lines. The following incident was recorded live. 

LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge Chicago 

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas... who disavow all knowledge of these events. 

Please please please .... rate and review

And email Chad at

BONUS EPISODE: Church Party Joy Down

Sunday, April 29th 2018: Gilead Church Chicago asked Chad to come to their "Surprise Party"-themed Storytelling services and throw down some Joy which he was down to do... cuz there was beer, no shame, but rated G cuz Church so listen with your kids, it's totally fine.


Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is a daily affirmation, get right with it.

Recorded LIVE at Gilead Chicago (7006 N Glenwood)

Please rate and review and email Chad at

Incel Inside

Deep down in the dark web, there are internet dwellers called Incels that believe they are owed sex simply cuz they are alive but they are being denied this sex because Alpha males are taking all the sex. They call these A-Males: Chads. So there's.... that.  

Apology recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at the historic Green Mill Lounge 

Featuring the greatest song ever written "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Please rate and review and also email Chad at