Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

Copyrock 'N Roll

Copyrock and Roll
Chad the Bird 06.25.16

Do you know your Led Zeppelin/Spirit "Stairway to Heaven"/"Taurus" lawsuit facts? You need to know the facts. Know the facts*.

LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge, Chicago

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

*may contain facts

 

Tariffic

Tariffic
Chad the Bird 06.18.16

It may always be sunny in Philadelphia but that sun is now 1.5 cents more expensive, so twist open your Diet Mountain Dew as Chad checks your first world problems. 

LIVE from the Green Mill Lounge, Chicago

featuring "Promises" by The Barreracudas

A Serious Chad

A Serious Chad
Chad the Bird 06.14.16

A mass shooting in Orlando, Chad calls it, no show, no goddamn anything and just reads an old poem cuz fuck it. Close your eyes and escape. Next week will be super fun. 

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Gawkamania

Gawkamania
Chad the Bird 05.28.16

Hulk Hogan made a sex tape and then sued Gawker for releasing it...and that's just the beginning, brother. 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Back to the Gooture

Back to the Gooture
Chad the Bird 05.21.16

Google Cars get sticky for safety and the internet got cranky. There's just pleasin' anyone these days...

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Urn After Reading

Urn After Reading
Chad the Bird 05.14.16

Cremation is the number way to get rid of your leftovers so here's how it's done and how it's done right and how one funeral home in Colorado did it so wrong for so long. Let's cook. 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

A Vape-raisal of the Situation

A Vape-raisal of the Situation
Chad the Bird 05.07.16

So Vaping's a thing, right? And if you're not down with the strawberry-scented-nicotine-juice-cloud, you might be in the right and NOT actually a hater. Get ready to chuck some knowledge, bro! 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

HB2many Parts

HB2many Parts
Chad the Bird 04.16.16

2016 - The Future: North Carolina's Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act (HB2 if you're nasty) is in full effect. A brave porn site joins the fight to give everyone and anyone the right to pee. WITNESS! 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Merle-ee We Roll Along

Merle-E We Roll Along
Chad the Bird 04.09.16

Chad downs a fifth of Crown Royal and sings praises of Merle haggard who wandered off into the sky that week. Hangover was worth it. 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

April No-Foolin'

April No-Foolin'
Chad the Bird 04.02.16

It's that time of the year again. Like The Purge for Assholes. Trust no one. Even Chad. 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

TAYn't Misbehavin'

TAYn't Misbehavin'
Chad the Bird 03.26.16

Microsoft created an artificially intelligent Tweeter for Twitter named TAY AI, in an effort to make automated customer service seem more human. And it's super racist. The future is now. 

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Drumpfy Grabby-Hands

Drumpfy Grabby-Hands
Chad the Bird 03.19.16

Donny Drumpf's campaign manager and secret Terminator, Corey Lewandowski took "right-hand-man" a little too far when he shoved a reporter from Breitbart. Kids these days...

- LIVE from The Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

KKKandyland

KKKandyland
Chad the Bird 03.05.16

DATELINE: Milton, GA - Some bro called the KKK to come hang at his crib cuz Zoning Laws. Like ya do. 

LIVE from the Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas

Scalia-osis

Scaliaosis
Chad the Bird 02.20.16

Jiggery Pokery! Chad deals with the paranoia about Antonin Scalia's sudden death and chills our collective nuts about it. 

- LIVE from the Paper Machete at the Green Mill Lounge

Bitchin' Theme Song "Promises" by The Barreracudas