Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

What? You Worried?

After 67 years of farting on celebrities and not actually worrying about it: MAD Magazine is ceasing publication of original material and a bunch of dudes are MAD about it! Fortunately Chad is here to clean that shit up with MAD respect for the "usual gang of idiots" celebrated legacy as American's longest running humor magazine.... but Clark's out of town, so sorry about the sound y'all. Please rate and review.

Brought to you by the MAD geniuses at Jeppson's Malört

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas: America's Band

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge on Chad's phone.

Please actually rate and review and we'll do better next time.

Slanderbilt

STOP THE PRESSES! Just kidding, don't actually do that, it's a pain in the printed ass. Chad goes all in on the scandal that America Vander-bilt during the Great Depression cuz a tawdry tale of the upper-crust was just the kinda pizza the peoples needed to snack on. So get thirsty cuz it's time to spill some 20th century tea!

Shout-out to WildClaw Theatre's annual DEATHSCRIBE Submissions: Send them your 10 minute radio horror plays by July 31st! Don’t be a-scared!

Brought to you by THE Jeppson's Malört: The shot that's a scandal in your mouth.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is on a need to know basis and you need to know!

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the safe soft sanctuary we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and keep it classy.

Meh-Donna: The Madame X Review

Hey! You guys! Madonna's back! Her new album MADAME X dropped this week and Chad took the time to respectfully heed the decrees of the Queen of Pop and then report back, track by track, with his final thoughts on the 14th studio album from the 60 year old legend. Meanwhile, in BENDER studios, the boys reminisce about the death of rap recaps and make a promise they couldn't possibly keep... Listen in, won't you?

SHOUTOUT to WildClaw Theatre who’s Annual 10 Minute Radio Horror Contest DEATHSCRIBE is NOW ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS until July 31st! GET IN THERE!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The Shot of Shots

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas: Your Song of Songs

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then in the grassy field of tranquility we call BENDER Studios.

Please Rate and Review and Put Your Lover to the Test

D-Day Drive-In

Chad dives in on the 75th anniversary of the D-Day invasion when several near-centennial veterans decided the best way to honor being ordered to jump into a the largest seaborne invasion in history ... was to do it again (which is why we respect our elders even if we're arguing with them at Thanksgiving) and then Chad and Clark solve a mystery!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The official drink of the revolution.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then in the safety bunker called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and riggity-view, hurd?

Breaking Bee

The 92nd Annual Scripps National Spelling Bee was savaged by 8 nonpareils and Chad is still dazzled and when this is over you too will be flabbergasted. Just don’t ask him to spell any of that.

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The shot if Champions ...of legal drinking age.

Featuring the song “Promises” by the Barrerracudas which we still can’t spell right on the spot.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Macheteat Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Loungeand then in the cloaked ship in orbit we call BENDER studios.

Please rate and review and ask for it in a sentence.

Jagger On: A Poem

After surviving heart surgery and going back on tour for his 76th birthday, we need to act now to decide what kind of planet we are going to leave behind for Mick Jagger.

Shout-out to WildClaw Theatre presents: THE BROOD where Chad will be making his ComedySportz debut May 29th for ONE NIGHT ONLY! So get your tickets now: https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4226060

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The only drink that will out live us all.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the only song that can survive a nuclear attack.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the secret blanket fort we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and Jagger on.

Dr. Sugar and the Bangtan Boys

Chad’s blood pressure spikes while learning the latest about worldwide pop sensation The Bangtan Boys and you know what that means: DR SUGAR RIDES AGAIN! Oh, no one is ever ready....


Brought to you by JEPPSON‘S MALÖRT: A flavor so bold, you’ll forget where you are.


Featuring the sweet sound of the song “PROMISES“ by the Barrerracudas and a little “SUGAR SUGAR“ by the Archies to help the medicine go down featuring THE Bill Larkin.


Recorded LIVE at The Paper Macheteat Chicago‘s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the forbidden underworld known as BENDER studios.

Please rate and review, aww honey honey

Peter May-The-4th-Be-With-Hew: A Eulogy

It's May the 4th and the world lost Chewbacca Prime himself, Peter William Mayhew. So we took the time to remember his legacy and you should too so… sit down! Sit down! Stop snickering, stop it! So help me, I will walk you out of here! STOP KICKING! THIS IS SERIOUS!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The Drink of Kings... who play pranks on other kings.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is perfect for any occasion.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the soft, warm hug that is BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review...hew

Cat Fight

April of 2019 will be known in history as the Month of Mayhem and Chad’s back from the front lines to rile the troops and get your ass in gear. Stand attention and take up arms cuz the invasion in here!

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The official drink of the resistance

Featuring the battle cry “Promises” by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the headquarters of the Rebellion: BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and stay strong.

4 20's and 8 Bits

It's 4/20 and Chad was celebrating the holiday in style before getting called in to talk about another tragedy on Facebook. Luckily we have video games so it wasn't that bad. Put this one in your pipe and smoke it!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malort: Makin' You Make That Face Since 1930

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the safety spoiler-free bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and no spoilers.

Gross, Scary and Friggin Twisted

So... Nature is pretty awesome. It's beautiful, caring, passionate and often inspiring. But it can also be gross, scary and friggin twisted. Just ask doctors at the Fooyin University Hospital in Taiwan… you'll know why in a minute.

Warning: Contains Bees, Eyes, Surgery and Star Wars

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which we love getting stuck in our eyes.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete every Saturday at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the depths of what we in the know call BENDER Studios. Special thanks to Jacob Serio and Nicholas Cage.

Please Rate and Review and wear goggles.

Alien High

Chad was super impressed by the Bergen High School production of ALIEN: THE PLAY and those kids? Well they're they're alright.

But his stupid friend Greg didn't think so and posted some bullshit on his Facebook page so Chad drags him through the power of an epic poem.

PS Check these kids out!!

Right? Friggin heroes.

Shoutout to North Bergen High School! Come to Chicago, we have pizza.

Featuring the song "Promises" by our own badass crew they you know as The Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge for the Paper Machete courtesy of Jacob Serio AND then deep in the rabbit-filled bunker that the Tethered call BENDER Studios.

Please Rate and Review and check your lockers.

Eat the Rich

Chad's a day late and billion dollars short as he goes into the largest college admissions scandal investigation in US history after surviving a hero's journey through Chicago on St. Patrick's Day.

Recorded LIVE from The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then snug in the safety blanket we call BENDER Studios.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, which is the song of the Resistance.

Please rate and review and eat the rich.

Asteroid: Endgame

Like a giant asteroid the latest trailer for Avengers: Endgame dropped on the planet causing mass hysteria and chaos. And like the Endgame trailer a giant asteroid rocketed close to the planet yet caused little to no interest cuz dammit that Endgame trailer was fuckin' EPIC! Chad and Clark go HAM on space and predict the future. WARNING: SPOILERS for Marvel movies and Starfox for the Super Nintendo. Listen responsibly.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which keeps the universe together.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio AND in the disaster-proof bunker called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review... whatever it takes.

The Invitation

Chad went to the 2019 Oscars. This is his story.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the Law and Order Dunn Dunn of our generation.

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge for The Paper Machete and then in the depths of the Doomsday Bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Special thanks to Jacob Serio

Please rate and review and fuck Green Book.

Monkee Man

Peter Tork has left the planet and a legacy behind. Chad presents a Monkeeulogy in his honor and is then joined by Bill Larkin for a surprising round of a very well-known song that the peoples of the Green Mill couldn't help but sing along too. Prepare for a little tear here and there.

Featuring the theme of our lives "Promises" by the Barrerracudas; "Daydream Believer" by John Stewart and "(Theme from) The Monkees" by Boyce and Hart

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the Upside Down at the most secret base ever: BENDER Studios.

Special Epic Triple-Dipped thanks to Bill Larkin for celebrating with us.

Please Rate and Review

The Composter: A Chadsclusive Pitch

You like movies, right? 'Course you do! Who doesn't like a good movie? Nobody, that's who! Well Chad's got a movie for you and it's got everything: Intrigue! Scandals! Violins! Malls! Best of all it's TRUE! That's what we're needin' these days: TRUE! So listen up cuz here's the pitch.

Also he's at it alone this week cuz Clark's sick and staying home for the good of humanity.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is ALMOST as good as this movie pitch.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then by remote far away from Clark's sick bugs.

Please rate and review and stay home if you're not feeling well.

And Introducing: Dr. Sugar

New Coke, new candy, new ice cream: New ways to get your sugar are coming to you, America, we know you've been grinding your teeth lately. Meanwhile Chad has a blood pressure spike after eating too many Most Stuff Oreos and develops a brand new personality named Doctor Sugar. Take the ride and eat a salad.

Featuring the sweetest song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Historic Green Mill Cocktail Lounge and then deep in the dark void called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and hydrate.

The Day After Last Week

2019 Season 2: After last week's cliffhanger, it is revealed that Chad and Clark did survive the Polar Vortex and Chad breaks down during the breakdown of all the science that made it happen.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas that will survive any disaster

Recorded LIVE courtesy of Jacob Serio at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and THEN in the winter-proof candyland we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and STAY WHERE YOU ARE! WE WILL FIND YOU!!

EMERGENCY: Monkey Episode

TRIGGER WARNING: Contains the actual sound of the Emergency Broadcast System which totally freaks me out whenever I hear it. I blame the movie TWISTER…

Anyhow, Clark and I were unable to bro-down cuz the Polar Vortex attacked Chicago with -50 degree wind chills and forced us all underground. We're low on beer but we're surviving. Anyhow, here's a story about monkeys.

WARNING: Contains Monkeys

And the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, no clones, all fresh.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then from the sub-zero hellscape of the Polar Vortex

Please rate and review.