Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

Be ARFID... Be Very ARFID

A Bristol boy has been left blind and deaf after living off a diet of fries, chips, white bread and sausages but save your judgey judge pants for another fashion show cuz Chad's gonna get to the bottom of it with SCIENCE!

Also Clark's back. You're welcome.

Brought to you by THE Jeppson’s Malört: The only shot that shoots back.

Shout-out to Three Floyd’s SPONSOR ME!

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge (courtesy of Jacob Serio) and then in the safety of BENDER Studios.

Please Rate and Review and See A Doctor

Netflix presents: Jakarta

The city of Jakarta is sinking faster than any other city in the world due directly to impact of Climate Change and none of you are paying attention so Chad sounds the alarm at the Paper Machete ... meanwhile Clark is gone and Chad's alone... again...

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: It shoots YOU!

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the solitary confinement of BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and pay attention to Jakarta.

All-Good Stock

It's the anniversary of one of the largest concerts in history, when attendance grew 8 times what was expected, facilities were short, the acid was brown and it was kinda, sorta, amazingly, surprisingly... all-good, man.

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The wavy in our gravy

Featuring the song “Promises” by the Barrerracuads who were so ahead of their time, they couldn’t even play Woodstock cuz they weren’t here yet.

Contains the deep voice of Chip Monck whose immortal warning saved a generation from Green and Brown acid. Respect.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the psychedelic paradise known only as BENDER studios.

Please rate and review and keep on trucking.

Good Ratscots

Union mascot and picket line pariah Scabby the Rat is under attack by the Trump Administration (God, is there anything they CAN'T do?) so Chad dons his worst Ray Liotta impression (and the great Robbie Ellis takes to the keys to keep up the atmosphere) as they pull back the wacky waving curtains on the dark underworld of Mascots.

Brought to you by our own personal mascot for all our adventures: Jeppson’s Malört

Featuring the great Robbie Ellis on keys keeping the air light and breezy; The song “Promises” by the Barrerracudas which is the song of JUSTICE and some horribly triggering plane noises at the end cuz it’s the fucking god damn Air and Water show again here in Chicago.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the perfectly safe and well-constructed haven from all things: BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review regardless of Chad’s Ray Liotta impression, which does not reflect the views and impressions of Chad the Podcast.

Equi-Hacks

In 2017, Equifax: one of the only three credit bureaus in the US, was hacked, making over 147 million people vulnerable to identity theft and general fuckery. Then they had the nerve to promise $125 to those compromised as part of their $425million settlement, forgetting how math works.

Brought to you by the one and only and truthful and loyal and totally not shady that keeps its promises: Jeppson’s Malört

Featuring the song “Promises” by the Barrerracudas that settle for no one and “On the Franches Mountains” by the Jura Orchestra from the album “Swiss Mountain Music” (Capitol LP 1957) … that’s the song from the Cliffhanger game on Price is Right.. there, now you know.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then in the fully funded off-the-grid playland we call BENDER Studios

Please rate and review and be you, that’s all you can be.

Breaking the Seal

ALRIGHT! Who did it?! Which one of you was it?! Seems a little troublemaker got a hold of a doctored graphic of the Presidential seal and decided to troll the Turning Point USA Summit! Chad's on the case and he always seals the deal. Plus CLARK IS BACK! So you know this one's quality.

Shout-out to OneTermDonnie for all your patriotic needs!

And to RAGBRAI for bringing Clark home safe.

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The only shot qualified to sponsor the Chad Cast.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas.. you know why.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then back at the base those in the know call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and resist

Sum of Summer LIVE from the Blowout!

With Clark still away, Chad's alone in the booth except his trusty bottle of Jeppson's Malört to remind him he's alive. Luckily, he has the recording of his set from the legendary 6 hour Lollapalooza of Live Lit known to the locals as The Machete Blowout. So sit back and indulge, won't you?

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: They know why

Recorded LIVE at Sleeping Village for the Machete Blowout courtesy of Jacob Serio and then on Chad's phone cuz he couldn't find the keys to the booth.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the song of the summer.

Please rate and review and thanks for coming out

The Night The Disco Died

Gripped in a heat wave, Chad takes the controls and goes all in on getting his groove thing on about the infamous DISCO DEMOLITION of 1979 while Clark is out on RAGBRAI (Don't forget to hydrate!). A few things to note: There are some corrections and the sound’s a little messed up so just like, let it go, it's hot.

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: She's a winner!

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas and "Win Place or Show" by the Intruders, disco4lyfe.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then on Chad's phone cuz Clark's out of town, go easy on him.

Please rate, review and shake your groove thing.

What? You Worried?

After 67 years of farting on celebrities and not actually worrying about it: MAD Magazine is ceasing publication of original material and a bunch of dudes are MAD about it! Fortunately Chad is here to clean that shit up with MAD respect for the "usual gang of idiots" celebrated legacy as American's longest running humor magazine.... but Clark's out of town, so sorry about the sound y'all. Please rate and review.

Brought to you by the MAD geniuses at Jeppson's Malört

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas: America's Band

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge on Chad's phone.

Please actually rate and review and we'll do better next time.

Slanderbilt

STOP THE PRESSES! Just kidding, don't actually do that, it's a pain in the printed ass. Chad goes all in on the scandal that America Vander-bilt during the Great Depression cuz a tawdry tale of the upper-crust was just the kinda pizza the peoples needed to snack on. So get thirsty cuz it's time to spill some 20th century tea!

Shout-out to WildClaw Theatre's annual DEATHSCRIBE Submissions: Send them your 10 minute radio horror plays by July 31st! Don’t be a-scared!

Brought to you by THE Jeppson's Malört: The shot that's a scandal in your mouth.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is on a need to know basis and you need to know!

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the safe soft sanctuary we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and keep it classy.

Meh-Donna: The Madame X Review

Hey! You guys! Madonna's back! Her new album MADAME X dropped this week and Chad took the time to respectfully heed the decrees of the Queen of Pop and then report back, track by track, with his final thoughts on the 14th studio album from the 60 year old legend. Meanwhile, in BENDER studios, the boys reminisce about the death of rap recaps and make a promise they couldn't possibly keep... Listen in, won't you?

SHOUTOUT to WildClaw Theatre who’s Annual 10 Minute Radio Horror Contest DEATHSCRIBE is NOW ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS until July 31st! GET IN THERE!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The Shot of Shots

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas: Your Song of Songs

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then in the grassy field of tranquility we call BENDER Studios.

Please Rate and Review and Put Your Lover to the Test

D-Day Drive-In

Chad dives in on the 75th anniversary of the D-Day invasion when several near-centennial veterans decided the best way to honor being ordered to jump into a the largest seaborne invasion in history ... was to do it again (which is why we respect our elders even if we're arguing with them at Thanksgiving) and then Chad and Clark solve a mystery!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The official drink of the revolution.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then in the safety bunker called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and riggity-view, hurd?

Breaking Bee

The 92nd Annual Scripps National Spelling Bee was savaged by 8 nonpareils and Chad is still dazzled and when this is over you too will be flabbergasted. Just don’t ask him to spell any of that.

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The shot if Champions ...of legal drinking age.

Featuring the song “Promises” by the Barrerracudas which we still can’t spell right on the spot.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Macheteat Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Loungeand then in the cloaked ship in orbit we call BENDER studios.

Please rate and review and ask for it in a sentence.

Jagger On: A Poem

After surviving heart surgery and going back on tour for his 76th birthday, we need to act now to decide what kind of planet we are going to leave behind for Mick Jagger.

Shout-out to WildClaw Theatre presents: THE BROOD where Chad will be making his ComedySportz debut May 29th for ONE NIGHT ONLY! So get your tickets now: https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4226060

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The only drink that will out live us all.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the only song that can survive a nuclear attack.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the secret blanket fort we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and Jagger on.

Dr. Sugar and the Bangtan Boys

Chad’s blood pressure spikes while learning the latest about worldwide pop sensation The Bangtan Boys and you know what that means: DR SUGAR RIDES AGAIN! Oh, no one is ever ready....


Brought to you by JEPPSON‘S MALÖRT: A flavor so bold, you’ll forget where you are.


Featuring the sweet sound of the song “PROMISES“ by the Barrerracudas and a little “SUGAR SUGAR“ by the Archies to help the medicine go down featuring THE Bill Larkin.


Recorded LIVE at The Paper Macheteat Chicago‘s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the forbidden underworld known as BENDER studios.

Please rate and review, aww honey honey

Peter May-The-4th-Be-With-Hew: A Eulogy

It's May the 4th and the world lost Chewbacca Prime himself, Peter William Mayhew. So we took the time to remember his legacy and you should too so… sit down! Sit down! Stop snickering, stop it! So help me, I will walk you out of here! STOP KICKING! THIS IS SERIOUS!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The Drink of Kings... who play pranks on other kings.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is perfect for any occasion.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the soft, warm hug that is BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review...hew

Cat Fight

April of 2019 will be known in history as the Month of Mayhem and Chad’s back from the front lines to rile the troops and get your ass in gear. Stand attention and take up arms cuz the invasion in here!

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The official drink of the resistance

Featuring the battle cry “Promises” by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the headquarters of the Rebellion: BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and stay strong.

4 20's and 8 Bits

It's 4/20 and Chad was celebrating the holiday in style before getting called in to talk about another tragedy on Facebook. Luckily we have video games so it wasn't that bad. Put this one in your pipe and smoke it!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malort: Makin' You Make That Face Since 1930

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the safety spoiler-free bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and no spoilers.

Gross, Scary and Friggin Twisted

So... Nature is pretty awesome. It's beautiful, caring, passionate and often inspiring. But it can also be gross, scary and friggin twisted. Just ask doctors at the Fooyin University Hospital in Taiwan… you'll know why in a minute.

Warning: Contains Bees, Eyes, Surgery and Star Wars

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which we love getting stuck in our eyes.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete every Saturday at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the depths of what we in the know call BENDER Studios. Special thanks to Jacob Serio and Nicholas Cage.

Please Rate and Review and wear goggles.