Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

Dr. Sugar and the Bangtan Boys

Chad’s blood pressure spikes while learning the latest about worldwide pop sensation The Bangtan Boys and you know what that means: DR SUGAR RIDES AGAIN! Oh, no one is ever ready....


Brought to you by JEPPSON‘S MALÖRT: A flavor so bold, you’ll forget where you are.


Featuring the sweet sound of the song “PROMISES“ by the Barrerracudas and a little “SUGAR SUGAR“ by the Archies to help the medicine go down featuring THE Bill Larkin.


Recorded LIVE at The Paper Macheteat Chicago‘s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the forbidden underworld known as BENDER studios.

Please rate and review, aww honey honey

Peter May-The-4th-Be-With-Hew: A Eulogy

It's May the 4th and the world lost Chewbacca Prime himself, Peter William Mayhew. So we took the time to remember his legacy and you should too so… sit down! Sit down! Stop snickering, stop it! So help me, I will walk you out of here! STOP KICKING! THIS IS SERIOUS!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malört: The Drink of Kings... who play pranks on other kings.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is perfect for any occasion.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the soft, warm hug that is BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review...hew

Cat Fight

April of 2019 will be known in history as the Month of Mayhem and Chad’s back from the front lines to rile the troops and get your ass in gear. Stand attention and take up arms cuz the invasion in here!

Brought to you by Jeppson’s Malört: The official drink of the resistance

Featuring the battle cry “Promises” by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the The Paper Machete at Chicago’s Historic Green Mill Lounge and then in the headquarters of the Rebellion: BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and stay strong.

4 20's and 8 Bits

It's 4/20 and Chad was celebrating the holiday in style before getting called in to talk about another tragedy on Facebook. Luckily we have video games so it wasn't that bad. Put this one in your pipe and smoke it!

Brought to you by Jeppson's Malort: Makin' You Make That Face Since 1930

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the safety spoiler-free bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and no spoilers.

Gross, Scary and Friggin Twisted

So... Nature is pretty awesome. It's beautiful, caring, passionate and often inspiring. But it can also be gross, scary and friggin twisted. Just ask doctors at the Fooyin University Hospital in Taiwan… you'll know why in a minute.

Warning: Contains Bees, Eyes, Surgery and Star Wars

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which we love getting stuck in our eyes.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete every Saturday at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the depths of what we in the know call BENDER Studios. Special thanks to Jacob Serio and Nicholas Cage.

Please Rate and Review and wear goggles.

Alien High

Chad was super impressed by the Bergen High School production of ALIEN: THE PLAY and those kids? Well they're they're alright.

But his stupid friend Greg didn't think so and posted some bullshit on his Facebook page so Chad drags him through the power of an epic poem.

PS Check these kids out!!

Right? Friggin heroes.

Shoutout to North Bergen High School! Come to Chicago, we have pizza.

Featuring the song "Promises" by our own badass crew they you know as The Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge for the Paper Machete courtesy of Jacob Serio AND then deep in the rabbit-filled bunker that the Tethered call BENDER Studios.

Please Rate and Review and check your lockers.

Eat the Rich

Chad's a day late and billion dollars short as he goes into the largest college admissions scandal investigation in US history after surviving a hero's journey through Chicago on St. Patrick's Day.

Recorded LIVE from The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then snug in the safety blanket we call BENDER Studios.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, which is the song of the Resistance.

Please rate and review and eat the rich.

Asteroid: Endgame

Like a giant asteroid the latest trailer for Avengers: Endgame dropped on the planet causing mass hysteria and chaos. And like the Endgame trailer a giant asteroid rocketed close to the planet yet caused little to no interest cuz dammit that Endgame trailer was fuckin' EPIC! Chad and Clark go HAM on space and predict the future. WARNING: SPOILERS for Marvel movies and Starfox for the Super Nintendo. Listen responsibly.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which keeps the universe together.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio AND in the disaster-proof bunker called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review... whatever it takes.

The Invitation

Chad went to the 2019 Oscars. This is his story.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the Law and Order Dunn Dunn of our generation.

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge for The Paper Machete and then in the depths of the Doomsday Bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Special thanks to Jacob Serio

Please rate and review and fuck Green Book.

Monkee Man

Peter Tork has left the planet and a legacy behind. Chad presents a Monkeeulogy in his honor and is then joined by Bill Larkin for a surprising round of a very well-known song that the peoples of the Green Mill couldn't help but sing along too. Prepare for a little tear here and there.

Featuring the theme of our lives "Promises" by the Barrerracudas; "Daydream Believer" by John Stewart and "(Theme from) The Monkees" by Boyce and Hart

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the Upside Down at the most secret base ever: BENDER Studios.

Special Epic Triple-Dipped thanks to Bill Larkin for celebrating with us.

Please Rate and Review

The Composter: A Chadsclusive Pitch

You like movies, right? 'Course you do! Who doesn't like a good movie? Nobody, that's who! Well Chad's got a movie for you and it's got everything: Intrigue! Scandals! Violins! Malls! Best of all it's TRUE! That's what we're needin' these days: TRUE! So listen up cuz here's the pitch.

Also he's at it alone this week cuz Clark's sick and staying home for the good of humanity.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is ALMOST as good as this movie pitch.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then by remote far away from Clark's sick bugs.

Please rate and review and stay home if you're not feeling well.

And Introducing: Dr. Sugar

New Coke, new candy, new ice cream: New ways to get your sugar are coming to you, America, we know you've been grinding your teeth lately. Meanwhile Chad has a blood pressure spike after eating too many Most Stuff Oreos and develops a brand new personality named Doctor Sugar. Take the ride and eat a salad.

Featuring the sweetest song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Historic Green Mill Cocktail Lounge and then deep in the dark void called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and hydrate.

The Day After Last Week

2019 Season 2: After last week's cliffhanger, it is revealed that Chad and Clark did survive the Polar Vortex and Chad breaks down during the breakdown of all the science that made it happen.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas that will survive any disaster

Recorded LIVE courtesy of Jacob Serio at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and THEN in the winter-proof candyland we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and STAY WHERE YOU ARE! WE WILL FIND YOU!!

EMERGENCY: Monkey Episode

TRIGGER WARNING: Contains the actual sound of the Emergency Broadcast System which totally freaks me out whenever I hear it. I blame the movie TWISTER…

Anyhow, Clark and I were unable to bro-down cuz the Polar Vortex attacked Chicago with -50 degree wind chills and forced us all underground. We're low on beer but we're surviving. Anyhow, here's a story about monkeys.

WARNING: Contains Monkeys

And the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, no clones, all fresh.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then from the sub-zero hellscape of the Polar Vortex

Please rate and review.

Kondoetry

Brew some java and stretch out your finger snappin muscles cuz Chad wrote a poem about the Mystical, Magical, Genius-Badass, Guru of Neatness herself: Marie Kondo. Perfect background noise for cleaning your damn room.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, who always keep it tight.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then from the shiny and clean BENDER Studios located somewhere classy.

Please rate and review and clean your room.

Good Tea

The richest man in the world, Jeff Bezos, is getting a divorce and though that may seem like NBD it's actually a BD cuz that can F up a whole company which is crazy AF. Catch up on all the Bezossip as Chad gives a hot take on some good tea.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is the realness.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the dark cave of gossip we call BENDER studios

Please rate and review, ya hurd

Veganuary Wishes

Greetings, Future You! Welcome to 2019. Chad and Clark ring in the New talkin about their favorite subject: Food! Cuz no matter what your resolutions, your plans, your visions for the next round of your Youness, don’t forget: You are what you eat. So eat right ...now!

Featuring the timeless classic “Promises” by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago’s historic Green Mill Lounge and deep in the center of the hot neutron star called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review, we’d do it for you.

Bird Box in Your Soul

It's the last episode of 2018. Chad is still stuck at the airport, people are gearing up for a celebration in honor of the closing bell of the year that came and went like a drunk clown at a birthday party that decided to light themselves on fire instead of just callin it. But instead of reflecting, reminiscing, remembering the times bad and good, y'all just wanna talk about BIRD BOX. So fine, let's close this out with that. HAPPY NEW YEAR YA LUNATICS! See you in the future.

PS: Spoilers cuz you asked for it.

Featuring that sprightly song of this and every year "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and from the VOOOID!

Please rate and review... and keep on truckin.

Money, Nuns and Greed

Chad has been lost in the Holiday Vortex and all he could manage to do from the void was leave you a phone message and an episode from two weeks ago: St. James Catholic School was robbed and here's the scoop, no nunsense at all.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and FROM THE VOOOIIID.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, Happy Holidays, gents!

Please Rate and Review and have a good evening.

Mars Needs Roombas

Whattap podcast traveler! Why don't you take a damn break for once, ok? Doesn't matter where you are, what's up, who you're with: We can't see ya. So get comfy and join Chad on a journey to the STAAAARS!!

And by that we mean MAAAAAARS!

And also a bunch of shit about robots, no spoilers just relax.

PLEASE rate and review so we know how to please you.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and at the subterranean secret lair the kids call BENDER Studios.

Featuring the hit song "Barrerracudas" that all said kids are talkin' about.