Chad the Bird

The official site of your Avian Op-Ed Columnist

Asteroid: Endgame

Like a giant asteroid the latest trailer for Avengers: Endgame dropped on the planet causing mass hysteria and chaos. And like the Endgame trailer a giant asteroid rocketed close to the planet yet caused little to no interest cuz dammit that Endgame trailer was fuckin' EPIC! Chad and Clark go HAM on space and predict the future. WARNING: SPOILERS for Marvel movies and Starfox for the Super Nintendo. Listen responsibly.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which keeps the universe together.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio AND in the disaster-proof bunker called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review... whatever it takes.

The Invitation

Chad went to the 2019 Oscars. This is his story.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, the Law and Order Dunn Dunn of our generation.

Recorded LIVE at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge for The Paper Machete and then in the depths of the Doomsday Bunker we call BENDER Studios.

Special thanks to Jacob Serio

Please rate and review and fuck Green Book.

Monkee Man

Peter Tork has left the planet and a legacy behind. Chad presents a Monkeeulogy in his honor and is then joined by Bill Larkin for a surprising round of a very well-known song that the peoples of the Green Mill couldn't help but sing along too. Prepare for a little tear here and there.

Featuring the theme of our lives "Promises" by the Barrerracudas; "Daydream Believer" by John Stewart and "(Theme from) The Monkees" by Boyce and Hart

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the Upside Down at the most secret base ever: BENDER Studios.

Special Epic Triple-Dipped thanks to Bill Larkin for celebrating with us.

Please Rate and Review

The Composter: A Chadsclusive Pitch

You like movies, right? 'Course you do! Who doesn't like a good movie? Nobody, that's who! Well Chad's got a movie for you and it's got everything: Intrigue! Scandals! Violins! Malls! Best of all it's TRUE! That's what we're needin' these days: TRUE! So listen up cuz here's the pitch.

Also he's at it alone this week cuz Clark's sick and staying home for the good of humanity.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is ALMOST as good as this movie pitch.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then by remote far away from Clark's sick bugs.

Please rate and review and stay home if you're not feeling well.

And Introducing: Dr. Sugar

New Coke, new candy, new ice cream: New ways to get your sugar are coming to you, America, we know you've been grinding your teeth lately. Meanwhile Chad has a blood pressure spike after eating too many Most Stuff Oreos and develops a brand new personality named Doctor Sugar. Take the ride and eat a salad.

Featuring the sweetest song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE by Jacob Serio at the Historic Green Mill Cocktail Lounge and then deep in the dark void called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and hydrate.

The Day After Last Week

2019 Season 2: After last week's cliffhanger, it is revealed that Chad and Clark did survive the Polar Vortex and Chad breaks down during the breakdown of all the science that made it happen.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas that will survive any disaster

Recorded LIVE courtesy of Jacob Serio at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and THEN in the winter-proof candyland we call BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and STAY WHERE YOU ARE! WE WILL FIND YOU!!

EMERGENCY: Monkey Episode

TRIGGER WARNING: Contains the actual sound of the Emergency Broadcast System which totally freaks me out whenever I hear it. I blame the movie TWISTER…

Anyhow, Clark and I were unable to bro-down cuz the Polar Vortex attacked Chicago with -50 degree wind chills and forced us all underground. We're low on beer but we're surviving. Anyhow, here's a story about monkeys.

WARNING: Contains Monkeys

And the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, no clones, all fresh.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then from the sub-zero hellscape of the Polar Vortex

Please rate and review.

Kondoetry

Brew some java and stretch out your finger snappin muscles cuz Chad wrote a poem about the Mystical, Magical, Genius-Badass, Guru of Neatness herself: Marie Kondo. Perfect background noise for cleaning your damn room.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, who always keep it tight.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge courtesy of Jacob Serio and then from the shiny and clean BENDER Studios located somewhere classy.

Please rate and review and clean your room.

Good Tea

The richest man in the world, Jeff Bezos, is getting a divorce and though that may seem like NBD it's actually a BD cuz that can F up a whole company which is crazy AF. Catch up on all the Bezossip as Chad gives a hot take on some good tea.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is the realness.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and then deep in the dark cave of gossip we call BENDER studios

Please rate and review, ya hurd

Veganuary Wishes

Greetings, Future You! Welcome to 2019. Chad and Clark ring in the New talkin about their favorite subject: Food! Cuz no matter what your resolutions, your plans, your visions for the next round of your Youness, don’t forget: You are what you eat. So eat right ...now!

Featuring the timeless classic “Promises” by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago’s historic Green Mill Lounge and deep in the center of the hot neutron star called BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review, we’d do it for you.

Bird Box in Your Soul

It's the last episode of 2018. Chad is still stuck at the airport, people are gearing up for a celebration in honor of the closing bell of the year that came and went like a drunk clown at a birthday party that decided to light themselves on fire instead of just callin it. But instead of reflecting, reminiscing, remembering the times bad and good, y'all just wanna talk about BIRD BOX. So fine, let's close this out with that. HAPPY NEW YEAR YA LUNATICS! See you in the future.

PS: Spoilers cuz you asked for it.

Featuring that sprightly song of this and every year "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and from the VOOOID!

Please rate and review... and keep on truckin.

Money, Nuns and Greed

Chad has been lost in the Holiday Vortex and all he could manage to do from the void was leave you a phone message and an episode from two weeks ago: St. James Catholic School was robbed and here's the scoop, no nunsense at all.

Recorded LIVE at The Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and FROM THE VOOOIIID.

Featuring "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, Happy Holidays, gents!

Please Rate and Review and have a good evening.

Mars Needs Roombas

Whattap podcast traveler! Why don't you take a damn break for once, ok? Doesn't matter where you are, what's up, who you're with: We can't see ya. So get comfy and join Chad on a journey to the STAAAARS!!

And by that we mean MAAAAAARS!

And also a bunch of shit about robots, no spoilers just relax.

PLEASE rate and review so we know how to please you.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and at the subterranean secret lair the kids call BENDER Studios.

Featuring the hit song "Barrerracudas" that all said kids are talkin' about.

A Von Trier Family Holiday

Happy Holidays, America! It's that wonderful time of the year when love and warmth come from all around! And sometimes someone you least expect can bring out a little magic inside all of us... Unless you're Lars Von Trier in which case it's business as usual and business is gross.

WARNING: Clark is out of town so Chad is running the board, apologies if the sound sucks but know it was made with love for you.

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, our holiday anthem.

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and mixed with a hammer at BENDER Studios which Chad had to break into (PS: Clark, our security needs work)

Please rate and review and have a happy something.

StansGiving

It's the Feastival of Carbs, America and we took the time to honor a piece of true American nostalgia, history and a legend of the days yore: Stan Lee.

So as the carb coma embraces you, don't get up, take a moment to remember the master himself. Excelsior!

Featuring the festive tones of "Promises" by the Barrerracudas

Recorded LIVE at the Paper Machete at Chicago's Historic Green Mill Lounge and deep in the Upside-Down of BENDER Studios

Please rate and review and have good eats.

Do's and Don't-A-Ween w/Michael Turrentine

SOUND WARNING!!!! Seems one of the mics at BENDER Studios was haunted so Chad's gonna sound like he's in a well, be warned....

Actor Michael Turrentine joins Chad and Clark for a lightning round of Halloween Do's and Don'ts so you don't look like a jag this season. Turn the lights down low, get your candy on and absolutely DO NOT PLAY MONSTER MASH.

Shout-out to FRANKENSTEIN at Remy Bumppo come get your freak-o-ween on with Michael and an incredible cast!

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas, who are always on their Hallo-Game.

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago and from the depths of the cursed dungeon known as BENDER Studios.

Please rate and review and have a happy Halloweeeeeen.

Squirrel Support

Lying in your bed you hear the clock tick and think of squirrel. Caught up in circles, squirrel-fusion is nothing new. Flashback, hug squirrel, almost left behind... the second squirrel unwinds IF YOU’RE LOST YOU CAN LOOK AND YOU WILL FIND SQUIRREL…

Unless you're on Frontier Airlines. Boo.

SHOUT OUT to WildClaw Theatre's TASTE OF DEATHSCRIBE at City Winery Chicago, MONDAY OCTOBER 22nd. GET IN THERE!

Featuring the song "Promises" by OUR support animals: The Barrerracuads

Recorded LIVE at the Historic Green Mill Lounge in Chicago IL and at BENDER Studios located somewhere... cozy.

Please rate and review, ya beautiful babies

What is Trebek?

So, after Alex Trebek's embarrassing performance at the gubernatorial debate in Pennsylvania on Oct. 1st, it's pretty clear: He needs a sidekick. Chad volunteers because that's what heroes do.

Also sidekicks.

SHOUT TO WildClaw Theatre, bringin’ their signature Horror Radio to City Winery FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY Monday October 22nd: https://citywinery.com/chicago/a-taste-of-deathscribe-10-22-18.html

Recorded LIVE at the Green Mill Lounge in Chicago for The Paper Machete and deep underground at BENDER Studios somewhere in your America...

Featuring the song "Promises" by the Barrerracudas which is the song of the revolution.

Please rate and review and keep on being you.